O.G. Ghostwriter

I was wandering through downtown Seoul, minding my own business, when a passerby thrust a coupon into my hand, entitling me to a free visit to a local beauty clinic. Well, as a frugal ghost, I try to utilise every discount coupon and offer I come across, so I immediately set off towards the clinic. I had read articles about Korean cosmetic surgery. Beauty procedures are widely accepted here; they’re practically mandatory. It’s not uncommon for relatives to gift money to young university graduates for cosmetic surgeries. Pretty face, pretty future! My own future is already behind me, but I'd personally prefer a smaller nose and fuller lips over a Moomin mug as a gift any day. Having witnessed this lifelessness for so long, it's time to start investing in my appearance. Maybe if I were even more handsome, I could finish writing my book. Upon arriving at the clinic, I informed the reception desk that I had come to utilise the coupon I had received. I asked what the catch was with ...

Annyeonghaseyo!  I’m still in Korea because, surprise, surprise, I can't afford the return flight ticket back home. I might as well get used to the situation; travel broadens the mind. During these past few weeks I’ve learned a lot about this completely unfamiliar culture, and also a lot about myself – for instance, that I cannot stand traveling! I’m constantly thinking about my next meal, constantly fighting with homeless people over a park bench to sleep on, and let me tell you one thing: when it rains, it pours. So travel broadens the mind, while making you soaking wet, unrested, and hungry.  And what’s even worse is all I can think about is my home manor, and the fact that my ghostwriting business is in ruins. AI has taken a large portion of my old clients, which means the sound of my fax machine beeping is a thing of the past. My own book writing isn't going that well either. I keep submitting my manuscripts to publishers, but they won't touch them with a ten-foot pole...

Dear Diary! I am in Korea for reasons you already know. Hanging out at the subway stations has allowed me to focus on the essentials, namely writing my latest bestseller-to-be, "K-Style Tips for Fashion-Impaired Travelers." Here is a small excerpt: "In Korea, the favored dress code is primarily black or white, possibly grey if you happen to be in a particularly wild mood. Travelers dressed in white sheets can therefore breathe a sigh of relief, as wearing your signature outfit will ensure you blend into the enviable crowd of style icons as easily as matcha powder into hot water..." Pretty good stuff, huh? It's guaranteed to fly off bookstore shelves faster than you can say: Buy my books, because I desperately need the money!  Speaking of matcha… I am currently writing this diary entry in a trendy cafe like some chic modern-day ghoul, and I'm just going to say, the cafe business has gone to hell! I tried to order a plain coffee with milk, and I was asked if I...

How on Earth did I end up on the other side of the planet? It’s quite simple, really; I had to flee Finland because the electric company’s creditors were banging on my door and I had no money to pay my bills. So I borrowed money from a loan shark, bought a random plane ticket, and ended up in Seoul, South Korea. I’m sitting in a local subway station, writing my book, unable to afford a hotel room for the night. It’s fine, really; in fact, this is actually a rather nice place to work, although it certainly doesn’t hold a candle to my manor. But here, nobody knows me or cares one bit about me, so my undisturbed lonesomeness is guaranteed… Man in a Suit: Excuse me, may I have a moment of your time? O.G. Ghostwriter: Huh? Man in a Suit: I’d like to offer you a wonderful opportunity – O.G. Ghostwriter: Listen here, buddy, or should I say Mr. Suit? Don't you see that I’m sitting here alone? I do not want any company. I’m also not interested in anything you’re trying to sell me. See this ...

In a rental flat within a towering block there lived an author… and this particular author is fed up with the whole situation! I long to return to my gloomy manor, but I need to accumulate more savings to cover its electricity bills. The noises coming from the neighbouring apartments make it nearly impossible to concentrate on my writing, so I have packed my writing scrolls and quill and ventured out in search of a peaceful study. My irritating upstairs neighbour is a gym rat. When he was doing his interval training in our apartment building’s stairwell, I snatched the key to the gym he frequents. I’m heading there now. It’s midnight, so I presume I can work there in peace; even rodents need to rest sometimes... And here I am, opening the gym's door and voilà ! Let the literal grinding begin!  The gym! A windowless torture chamber deep underground, where lost souls willingly torment themselves, with frightful instruments of agony. The very air is saturated with the stench of desper...

Dashing through the snow, in a one-horse open sleigh My electricity bills just won’t go away! The jobs I’m forced to do won't make my spirit bright; This heavy debt I’m in will haunt my sleep at night!  Time flies, and it's December again, which means yet another pile of bills is due. Money is tight, so this month I have to churn out Christmas cards for all those who won't bother to write their own Christmas cards. Bah, humbug does not even begin to describe how I feel about this whole ordeal!  I'd much rather retreat to my own peace and quiet to continue writing my latest magnum opus, "The Lord of the Ghosts-writings". It’s a vast book, complete with a map, plenty of my own drawings, and a self-created ghost language with detailed grammar. It’s appended by my epic "The Eyemarillion", a spectacular tale of how I hunted for a new monocle in various optical establishments.  I was forced to move into a rented apartment after the power company cut the el...