Matcha Made in Heaven

Dear Diary!

I am in Korea for reasons you already know. Hanging out at the subway stations has allowed me to focus on the essentials, namely writing my latest bestseller-to-be, "K-Style Tips for Fashion-Impaired Travelers." Here is a small excerpt:

"In Korea, the favored dress code is primarily black or white, possibly grey if you happen to be in a particularly wild mood. Travelers dressed in white sheets can therefore breathe a sigh of relief, as wearing your signature outfit will ensure you blend into the enviable crowd of style icons as easily as matcha powder into hot water..."

Pretty good stuff, huh? It's guaranteed to fly off bookstore shelves faster than you can say: Buy my books, because I desperately need the money! 

Speaking of matcha… I am currently writing this diary entry in a trendy cafe like some chic modern-day ghoul, and I'm just going to say, the cafe business has gone to hell! I tried to order a plain coffee with milk, and I was asked if I wanted whole milk, semi-skimmed milk, skimmed milk, coconut milk, almond milk, hazelnut milk, oat milk, cashew milk, peanut milk, rice milk, soy milk... At this point, I said that I don’t want any of that nonsense. I'll have tea instead.

I felt like I had to taste matcha myself, since everyone else is constantly sipping it and rambling about how divinely wonderful and magnificent it is! Traditionally, I haven't been much of a tea sipper. The only sensible way to drink tea is to dissolve plenty of honey in the water and pour milk on top, leaving the teabag out entirely.

Observations on matcha: it tastes very… earthy. One could assume this is what one’s mouth tastes like when one is lying underground. Matcha made in heaven, indeed; even the green color brings to mind the deceased. It feels like this would primarily be good for my health, which, frankly, I couldn't care less about – I left my health somewhere in the valley of Pompeii anyway.

Well, I gave it a try, but from now on it’s only proper fancy-free filter coffee. Coffee should be bought in bulk on sale, not as overpriced nonsense drinks from cafes. As for loitering in cafes, anyone with nothing more important to do is welcome to do that, for all I care… 

Okay, now the waiter is telling me to leave because I've apparently spent too much time here bothering other customers with my grumbling. Fine, I'd be happy to take my grumbling elsewhere!