O.G. Ghostwriter

Finally, dry land beneath my feet! My departure from Tsushima was a swift one; I leaped from a cliff into the sea, swam freestyle for dozens of kilometers, got tangled in the propeller of a passing fishing boat, spun round and round, and once the boat reached the harbor and the worst of the vertigo subsided, I finally managed to pry myself loose and ended up… right here. It looks like Japan, it sounds like Japan, but is it Japan? I am soaking wet and covered in seaweed. I look like some mythical sea monster from local folklore! Squish, squish goes every step. I’ll try to wring the worst of the water from my robe and find somewhere to warm up. Over there seems to be an inviting, if slightly shabby, restaurant. It is already late, but the door is open, so I’ll step inside and go straight to the bar to ask where exactly I am. O.G. Ghostwriter: Excuse me, where exactly am I? Bartender: You’re asking me where you are? O.G. Ghostwriter: Yes, where am I? Bartender: Have you forgotten whe...

I have washed ashore on the island of Tsushima after a gruesome sea voyage . While slumped over the railing, I did some thinking and made my decision: I’m going to Tokyo to earn enough money to pay the electricity bills of my manor back home, so I can return to Finland and continue my literary career. Traveling the world is starting to get a bit tedious. This constant "seeing and experiencing new things" is keeping me from actually writing my own books!  Strange place, this Japan. Down at the harbor, some lunatic shoved a samurai sword into my hand and told me to defend myself against the invading Mongols. Someone’s clearly missed their meds today. As if there were packs of bored, aggressive Mongols just wandering around Tsushima. What would I even do if I ran into Mongols? Follow the samurai code of honor and fight bravely, or disgracefully attack the enemy's rear, murdering and looting? The things people come up with… But at least I got a cool sword. Whoosh, whoosh! I’l...

This isn't what I signed up for.  The plan was to head home to Finland, but there was a slight navigational error earlier. Last night, I was three sheets to the wind and wandering around the Jeju harbor area when I ended up shooting the breeze with the captain of a Japanese fishing trawler. I asked if I could get passage to the Turku archipelago , but the captain heard the Tsushima archipelago . We agreed that I’d clean the deck as payment, and we had already left the harbor by the time I realized I was on my way to Japan! I was in such a rush to leave that I didn't have time to finish this drink, so I brought it with me. It’s not sitting well now that the boat is rocking. If I weren't already ghastly pale, I’d be turning ghastly green.  Oh well, I'll just have to swallow my drink as well as my pride. I'll embrace the opportunities Japan has to offer me. From what I understand, ghosts are particularly popular in Japan, and the country is practically crawling with ...

I feel relaxed… as if my head has been emptied of all thought… I couldn't manage anything meaningful right now… It is March, and here on Jeju Island, spring is showing its first signs. I am still penniless and in debt, but I’m taking a mini-vacation, sipping soju and enjoying the local scenery. The temperature is hardly staggering, a mere eight degrees Celsius. But the sun feels nice.  Why am I here? Well, because I was kicked out in the middle of those Korean gambling games. They claimed I wouldn't let myself be eliminated. That I cheated! Is it my fault the games had a ghost-sized loophole? Being bulletproof, I considered myself the undisputed winner of the stupid money games. You can’t make me any more lifeless than I already am, so just shut your pie hole and give me the prize money!  Well, they ran their mouths for a while, folded me up neatly, and tossed me into the trunk of a car once again. I took a long nap there, and some days later, I found myself on Jeju Island at...

Players, I would like to welcome you all. You will participate in six different games over six days. The winners will receive a large cash prize.  The location of this place has been kept secret from you... Well, here we are then, playing games for money. Boy, that loudspeaker sure is loud! Everything is in Korean, which is all Greek to me. Mr Suit kindly transported me here, released me from the trunk , and shoved me into the care of masked assistants dressed in pink. The assistants tried to force me into a green tracksuit, but I said no thanks. I haven't worn a tracksuit since the 1982 Finlandia Ski Marathon, which I participated in from my living room sofa. The sheet I’m wearing will suit me just fine.  I am player number 313. There are many players here, over 400 by my count, and they’re all gawking at me suspiciously. Haven’t they seen a great artist before? You’d think literature would be more appreciated among this crowd. After all, the Nobel Prize in Literature did rec...

When I was finally released from jail, I found my old “friend” Mr Suit waiting for me outside the station, shivering in the cold and cursing to himself. Having had to wait in the parking lot for the duration of my custody, he’d managed to earn himself both a parking ticket and a foul mood.  I probably shouldn't mention this, as it is a secret, but then again, I’m just mumbling here to myself and absolutely no one cares what I have to say… As he was berating me in the parking lot, Mr Suit told me in a moment of frustration that he is an underpaid jack-of-all-trades for an anonymous Korean gambling organisation. Today his task is to deliver me to a secret location for some high-stakes games. If he wishes to continue his employment and his hobby of harassing the debt-ridden, he must pay for parking tickets, travel expenses and medical bills himself.  Listen here, you little shibal , I said to him, your money troubles are not my problem. So it took a long, long time for me to be ...