Ghostwriter of Tsushima

I have washed ashore on the island of Tsushima after a gruesome sea voyage. While slumped over the railing, I did some thinking and made my decision: I’m going to Tokyo to earn enough money to pay the electricity bills of my manor back home, so I can return to Finland and continue my literary career. Traveling the world is starting to get a bit tedious. This constant "seeing and experiencing new things" is keeping me from actually writing my own books! 

Strange place, this Japan. Down at the harbor, some lunatic shoved a samurai sword into my hand and told me to defend myself against the invading Mongols. Someone’s clearly missed their meds today. As if there were packs of bored, aggressive Mongols just wandering around Tsushima.

What would I even do if I ran into Mongols? Follow the samurai code of honor and fight bravely, or disgracefully attack the enemy's rear, murdering and looting? The things people come up with… But at least I got a cool sword. Whoosh, whoosh!


I’ll take a little stroll on the island. I’m following a nature trail; the air is refreshingly cool, and it looks like the cherry blossoms are about to bloom. I wonder how I’ll get all the way to Tokyo from here? There’s a billboard by the path showing a map of Japan, and based on that, it’s quite a long way from Tsushima to Tokyo. Flying is too expensive, and I don’t know if I can stomach another trip on a fishing trawler. This is getting complicated, but I have to get off this island, one way or another.

Now what? Some kid is standing on the path staring at me, eating cotton candy. Hmm, staring isn't polite. It makes me feel like there's something wrong with me. All right, little human, where are your parents? Haven't you seen a starving artist dressed in a sheet and carrying a sword before? Nothing new under the rising sun, so off you go, shoo!

Still staring. Doesn't even seem spooked. Probably ruined his brain with too much screen time. Likely imagines he’s in some video game, and I’m a character selling legendary swords that aren't even worth buying because the player’s own sword is already way better at this point in the game…

I have no idea how to handle children, so I try to ignore him while checking the map for the route I should –

Huh? What is it? Why am I so pale? Is it polite to ask a stranger questions like that? I’m pale because I feel like it, okay? Oh, what? You want to give me your cotton candy? Well, why not, I’ll never say no to sweets… Where did the kid go? Skipped away. 

Well, I’ll continue exploring the island. The wind seems to be guiding me in that direction, so that’s where I’ll go. Tra-la-la! I’ll swing this sword - or katana, obviously - a bit to keep warm, hacking away at these nettles ruining the roadside. Take that, and that! I am a big samurai, you are a tiny Mongol invader! Tra-la-la, and hey, there’s cotton candy too. I’ll have a bit, oops, got some on my chest…

Good grief, my sheet has started to look hideous. Worn so thin it’s like wearing nothing but gauze. I desperately need cash so I can buy myself a new outfit. The faster I get to Tokyo, the faster I’ll get rich. As a big shot, I’ll toss this sheet off my shoulders and cover myself with diamonds! 

I’ll walk a bit further. I’m in no rush. I’m enjoying this peace, broken only by the chirping of birds, the yelping of foxes, and in the distance, the thundering hoofbeats of galloping horses...

…wait a minute! From behind the next hill, a Mongol army seems to be approaching at full speed, spears leveled. This can’t possibly be true! Have I fallen off the map and ended up in a virtual reality? Apparently, they are coming to relieve me of both my possessions and my lifelessness. Katana, cotton candy, see-through sheet! That’s all I have! The meager loot will surely annoy them so much that I’ll end up as the army leader’s footwrap.

Should I follow the samurai code of honor and fight bravely, or flee disgracefully with my robe fluttering? … Forget honor! Skirts up and run!


...

Previous Chapter: On My Way to Japan


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