O.G. Ghostwriter

Well, I never! What a bunch of morons! This ghost is taking his leave, and might I add, gladly so! What a massive house, muttering, grumbling, clearly crime pays if they can afford a mansion like this. I wonder which of these doors leads out? Muttering, grumbling, this looks promising, a sliding door left slightly ajar.   Now would be a good time to stop and reflect on why these cultural clashes keep happening to me. Could it be that maybe the problem is me, and not always the others? Should I try to behave in an acceptable way? Try to act like the locals?   Very well then.   I shall begin my integration into the local population by opening this sliding door the Japanese way. That is to say, I cannot simply yank the door open like a Westerner; I must be refined, in the style of the Japanese tea ceremonies, and open the door with respect for tradition. I recall reading instructions once on how such a sliding door should be opened in three movements. Let’s s...

So, the situation is that I am a prisoner of the yakuza. Standing before me is a very angry-looking lady , whom I shall henceforth refer to as the Boss, as she leads the pack of rats that ghostnapped me while I was innocently spending time in the park. They threw me into a car trunk, and delivered me to this miserable shack; and I must say, I intend to leave a blistering letter of complaint about all of this to the Tokyo embassy. I wouldn't recommend this experience to friends or acquaintances – possibly would recommend it to some relatives… Boss: What are you muttering, gaijin ? Know that you are in great trouble, and you won't get away with this by acting crazy. O.G. Ghostwriter: Usually, feigning madness helps in these situations. Boss: You have insulted the honor of my niece and our family! In Nippon, that kind of behaviour is not looked upon kindly. It is time for a battle! O.G. Ghostwriter: No, no battles, no thank you, not again. Couldn't I just atone for my crim...